I broke up with D today. Again. He asked if this was working and I said no, it's not. It was probably the third or fourth time he's asked me that since we got back together. For some reason this is all via text message and phone -- every time we talk like this in person neither of us can let go. It's time to let go, though. In my heart I know it's time.

For some reason, I feel releaved. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I don't want to work so hard at us anymore, and feel like the only one that's fighting. I know he's fighting, but it feels half hearted. I don't feel like I'm a priority, or even make the top five. I understood more when he was preparing or on his deployment. But now -- well, now I feel it's a choice and each time he changes plans it hurts. I feel like I can't count on him anymore.

I can't be there to support him anymore. It's making me miserable because he's not there to support me.

And it's time I start looking out for me.