the end, or the beginning

Well, it's now the second day and I guess it's official.

D and I -- after almost two years, one deployment, multiple financial woes on his part and some crazy relatives -- have broken up.

It's not exactly where I thought we would be. But after two days of bawling my eyes out and eating junk (Although, I did go to spin class yesterday) it's time for me to embrace all that is healthy. Or this is going to be way to hard.

To make a long story short, he didn't forsee marrying me. Even though we really care for each other, we're too different and we've been struggling with it for awhile. When push came to shove, he didn't want me making life decisions (about my career mostly that may involved moving an hour away) based on him.

He doesn't want a long distance relationship, even if it's an hour. He doesn't want to be in a relationship at all, because he moved into a house full of single guys that just drink and play video games all the time.

I am feeling so many emotions. Mad. Sad. Angry. Depressed. Lonely. Frumpy. Like a failure. Ugh.

As much as it hurts to admit it, I can understand it (although just barely. This is going to take time).

Better now than in two years from now. Better now than to break off an engagement, call off a wedding, or get divorced.

Better now so I can make a career move and find someone who really does want to be with me.

Better now so I can get back to my healthy ways and take care of me.