I was originally going to write about my new strategy of rewarding myself for working out.
After getting back from my run, I thought about writing about my feet and my knee. My IT bands were acting up, which hasn't been an issue for almost six months.
Then I thought about writing about chocolate. I wasn't able to pass up the mm cookies but could easily pass up the cake today at work.
But the thing is, none of these really matter. Because I came to a realization tonight. A realization that streches across many aspects of my life.
I. am. afraid.
of.
risk.
Yes, risk. I'm scared to leave the job I'm unhappy am, because I'm afraid of my next move. Of taking a risk.
I'm scared about moving to a different state. I'm scared about not liking a new company or new coworkers. I'm scared I'll regret not going to grad school, or going to grad school for the wrong thing. I'm scared about giving up the career I've dreamed of since I was 13. But I'm scared that not pursuing a new career will leave me in the dust.
I'm scared about leaving D, even though I'm questioning what we're doing. I'm scared of wishing we stayed together.
I'm so scared of making the wrong decision.
But I'm also scared of not moving forward.
1 comment:
oh man, this is my whole life. i was one of those kids that never jumped off the swings because i might get hurt. i was always afraid of doing anything that i might fail at and it's taken me 26 years to get over it. i know that if i make a change now, i'm not going to end up in a homeless shelter talking to a wall. i have faith in my abilities and resources and i'm sure you do too and whatever you undertake to change will be worth it in the end.
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