one mile at a time

Even though the urge to cry comes at unexpected times. Even though I am now questioning everything I once had planned out -- my career, my home, my future family -- even though I feel like pieces I have put together so carefully over the last two to ten years are starting to crumble.

Even though.

I made an important step forward yesterday. Two, actually.

1. I ran a mile. I took it slow, at a 12 min. mile pace, but I did it.

It's been three months, really, since I have ran. Stupid plantar fasciattis. But my inserts seem to be doing the job, and alhtough my feet are a little sore, I believe ice will help.

And it gave me that feeling that I saught during D's deployment -- which surprisingly is bringing up the same feelings as the breakup now -- an "I can do this, I am strong" feeling.

Of all the exercises I know, only running gives me that feeling of empowerment.

2. I resisted the urge to tell D that I ran a mile.

He's really the only one that understands how groundbreaking running a mile is. I really wanted to tell him, and I'm sure he would have been kind and said "good job" or "that's great." But then, I realized that that was what I was seeking -- approval.

Why am I seeking approval?

I realized that I'm doing it everywhere. I'm looking for approval to acknowledge my accomplishments.

But why?

Why is somebody else's approval so important?

The only one who needs to approve is me!