sigh ...

Yesterday was the first day of what will be a series of days, weeks then months and years (sigh) of me not speaking to Derek.

Okay, that may seem dramatic. The hope is to stay friends, posisbly even reconnect when the timing is better and all. But if I'm going to move forward I need to commit myself to what's best for me and right now, that's moving forward without him.

Sigh.

It was hard. No phone call at lunchtime. No afternoon text message. No goodnight before bed. I tossed and turned trying to fall asleep. That goodnight has always brought me comfort, and now it's gone.

I fell asleep to the thought of asking him to meet up in a few weeks to walk the dogs at the quarry. I thought that would be a nice, neutral environment to just hang out as friends and to see the dogs. I haven't quite decided if it's a good idea yet or not, though.

Sigh.

On more positive notes:

* I did kickboxing last night and didn't die as much as last week. C was there, which was fun. I'm glad I went and I'm glad I met her.

* I wore my cute gym outfit to the gym and this guy held the door -- even though I was quite a bit away -- for me. Because I was cute! Yay!