I had moments of happiness today that I haven't felt in a while. I caught myself singing and even dancing to a song on tv as I wandered around the apartment doing chores. I'm starting to feel whole in my skin and again and, even though I'm not completely there, I have to say it feels damn good.
Making a targeted and deliberate effort to get out there, meet new people, pursue my passions and take pride in my work is really working. And so, it seems, is the smiling.
Every single day this break up is getting easier, I'm feeling more like my old self -- the self that smiled and laughed and burst into song when no one was around and shimmied her hips to a song. Yesterday a coworker commented that I was the one that always was smiling. Even though I know that's far from the truth, it's getting closer.
I was all flustered today to when I saw a guy I know through work at a ceremony I was at and he said hi to me. There were lots of folks that I've met through work that said hi to me today, yesterday, the day before. But this felt different. I said hi to him, but I was stammering. I didn't know what to say. I had one of those your-cute-and-words-are-not-forming moments. I know that I'm a long while away from dating again but being able to recognize that moment meant a lot. It means I'm healing and that, eventually, I'll meet someone that I can form words with. And, eventually, I'll meet someone to start a life with. The timing is just not right here, not right now.
And now I'm crying. Wow, it's been an emotional day! Smiles, tears -- I guess I'm really realizing that we're I am right now in life is okay. It's okay to be alone for a while, to give myself time to heal myself. It won't be forever, just for a while.
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